I've decided, enough is enough.

And while I grief for loss, I still care. I don’t shut my eyes in resentment and anger and turn away from the world. I am not despairing. I am not hung up on hurt. I am broken but hopeful.

But when I make a phone call out of this care, I meet a hard wall of defence. I’ve been turned around by the shoulders and given the shove. Should I make pretend that you don’t exist?

“You see, I’m not like you. When you hurt, you have God. All I have is this darkness.”